Four ways to affirm your queer identity over the Holidays

Hoildays are an opportunity to pause and spend time with the people we love, and take more time to do the things we love, like sit our pyjamas and watch The Muppet Christmas Carol. But when you’re queer, sometimes the holidays can be a bit stressful, in ways that it isn’t for cisgender/straight people.

Why the holidays can be difficult for queer people:

others assuming the gender of your partner
others assuming you only have one partner
friends and family asking when you will have a family, not realising the challenges of queer fertility
you may not have as many or any family and friends to spend time with
the holidays can remind people of difficult times and experiences
you may have to spend time with people who you know hold homophobic, biphobic or transphobic views
you may have to spend time with people you are not out to, and have to change details of your life or appearance.

It took a long time for my family to use the right pronouns for me, even though they were really supportive and accepting, and I found that very hard. I remember reading an article like this during that time, and it helped a lot. That was about ten years ago and I have no idea where I read the article, so I’m writing a new one (this first tip was suggested in that original article).

4. Decorate your queer safe space

Can you find one area of your home you can make your queer safe space? This might be your bedroom, entire house, the inside of your wardrobe, or phone home screen. Once you have chosen your space, make some LGBTQIA+ themed decorations. These can be overt or subtle, whatever best suits you.

Go small with handmade pride-themed decorations:

Go big with a rainbow tree:

You can use subtler symbols:

Having this ownership of your space and a visual reminder that your queerness is a positive thing can feel really helpful.

3. Christmassy X-Queer

A lot of typical Christmas activities don't have queer vibes. But it doesn't have to be that way. There are queer adult pantomines (the only kind I've ever seen that I enjoyed) and lots of queer Christmas films like Single All The Way, Let It Snow, and Happiest Season.

I'm afraid I only know examples in London, but I can recommend:

The Royal Vauxhall Tavern Pantomine

Grace Petrie's Lefty Christmas

London LGBTQ+ Centre often hold community events and meals around Christmas

If you can recomend events in other areas of the country, please let me know in the comments.

2. Create New Traditions

I mentioned at the beginning of this article that I enjoy celebrating the holidays while watching Muppets Christmas Carol. This is a tradition I have created for myself – every Christmas Eve after everyone else has gone to bed, I watch it while I do the last of my gift wrapping. Creating new traditions – related to queerness or not – helps you create time for yourself, and gives you the oportunity to do things you enjoy.

https://www.theguardian.com/culture/2015/dec/21/how-we-made-the-muppet-christmas-carol

1. Connect with other queers

Talking to other people who feel how you feel, or have been through similar things to you, can help you to feel less alone. There are options including message boards, online meets and in-person meet ups – keep searching and you will find the right space for you.

You can find LGBTQ+ community groups using LGBT Consortium's Members Directory.
Eventbrite lists online and in-person LGBTQ+ events. We recomend Leeds LGBT+ Community Consortium online events, which you don't have to live in Leeds to attend.
There are LGBTQ+ centres all over the UK including London, Birmingham, Manchester, Leeds, and Surrey. Brighton also has a queer bookshop, cafe and community event space (The Queery) and in London The Outside Project is a community centre, shelter and domestic abuse refuge and safe space for homeless queers.
You can connect with other LGBTQ+ people at The Open University through OU Pride's Facebook group and Student Connect. You can join OU Pride HERE.

If you need support, you can contact Switchboard, an LGBTQIA+ information and helpline/webchat by and for queer people. Mindline Trans+ also runs a helpline on Friday evenings from 8pm–11pm . You may want to check the website opening hours if calling on public holidays.