One thing we all have in common is that as children all of us have a vision or plan of how our life would turn out. How many of us can say that our life has turned out exactly how we planned it? For me the answer to that question is not even close, I was going to go to college, then university and become an Educational Psychologist. Then you start wondering where and when my actual life stray from the plan I had for it? It’s not always easy to identify this point until you really think about it.
That point for me started in my school years. I seemed to be doing well in the classes but when it came to exams I was lucky to pass. Initially I thought nothing of it, as it could have been that I didn’t understand as well as I thought I did. The first really obvious sign of this was the 11+ exams. The terrifying ones before you go to high school. I honestly did a horrendous job, as soon as I left the exam hall, I knew I’d be lucky to pass it.
Then we get to high school, as your group or set is decided by that dreaded 11+ I was in a set that that was very quickly identified as not where I should be. Good news, but still the exams were not my friend. The next exam horror in my future was SATs and then the almighty GCSEs. These GCSEs we are conditioned to be extremely worried about, as many teachers said, they’ll determine your life and what you can and can’t do’. So, no pressure then for teenage me! Somehow, I got through them, just then came college. Again, I seemed to understand during the lectures and have good results during assignments, but exams nope could not pass for love or money. This led to me being forced to repeat a year that taught me what I already knew so I was bored and dropped out.
The main reason I dropped out was not the boredom, it was that I was left to feel however much I wanted a degree, I wasn’t smart enough to actually get it. That me getting a degree was only ever going to be a dream that would never happen. With time the question of why could I get such good marks throughout the year and then terrible ones at exams was something I forgot about as I lived my life.
It was when I started a new job role, my manager sat me down and asked me, “What do you have in place for your dyslexia?’ I looked at her confused as I hadn’t been diagnosed with it. She told me that she saw all the signs in me that she knows indicate dyslexia, and while I didn’t know before, I do now and what can we put in place to support me.’ After a long and emotional discussion, we worked out a plan to help and support me. This also prompted an honest conversation with my parents, where I found out that they were asked to have me tested, as this was over 20 years ago, they refused. They did not want me to have at that time, negative stigma of being dyslexic. However, as I told them, there is much more understanding of these types of conditions now and it is not an indicator of low intelligence, it just means I process things differently. I’m happy to say that after this conversation, my parents told me that they thought I was and would support me with whatever I wanted to do about getting a diagnosis. With this in place the thought of education and this hope for a degree came back into my mind.
As we all do, I did some googling, and good old google came up with the Open University. I saw that they ran Access modules for those who wanted a taste of what higher education is and how they deliver it, so I decided to sign up. I had nothing to lose; it was probably one of the best decisions I ever made. The Student Support team reached out to me straight away to ask what I needed put in place to help me study. To start with I wasn’t even sure it had been 20 years since I’d been in education. After explaining how my dyslexia and other health conditions impacted me, the Student Support team gave me recommendations. I was very fortunate that the initial recommendations worked for me. I did need to adjust this support, but knowing and understanding what I needed as a student was only going to be known as I studied.
With the Access module close to ending the illusive degree came to the forefront of my mind. As the Access module was going well and I was getting marks that truly reflected what I was capable of, I decided I had spent long enough imagining this degree and it was now time to go for it. I knew I wanted to study Psychology, it was something that always fascinated me, so I decided to sign up for a Forensic Psychology degree. Yes, I’m one of those people that enjoy watching true crime shows.
With the start date of my degree approaching, the nervous and even the self-doubt kicked in. Am I intelligent enough to get a degree, will I be able to cope and more importantly will I understand and learn the materials so I can demonstrate the knowledge and understanding of the course to do well in my assignments. At the start of each module, I reached out to my tutoring explaining the support I needed and why. The tutors were incredibly understanding and supportive, which helped me no end. It is a very difficult thing to discuss things that make studying harder for you, especially with a stranger. However difficult I found it, I’m glad I did, as if my tutors didn’t know what help or support, I needed, how could they provide it. Also, how could they help me to get the best possible results without knowing everything going on. It’s like trying to read a book in a language you don’t understand. I image it’s similar to what we all thought when we were introduced to Shakespearian English…. confused and wondering what is he on about.
I won’t lie my dyslexia does impact me and my studying, but I know how to manage it now and how to limit the impact it has on me as a person and a student. The tutors at the Open University are nothing short of fantastic, they are understanding and supportive. They truly want you to succeed and that means a lot especially when you have had negative experiences with mainstream education. There are also amazing support groups that can help people in similar situations to yourself, and you can support each other. I say that as I joined the Disabled Student’s Group during my Access module, but didn’t really attend the drop ins. Only when I joined the committee did I get much more involved. Again, I’m so glad that I did, I feel like I have a whole family of people in similar situations to me who understand exactly what I’m dealing with.
The takeaway from this for me is that mainstream education isn’t for everyone, it’s not for me. This doesn’t mean I’m not intelligent, it means I process things differently and I need to learn in ways that work for me. It’s an encouraging and empowering thought as I’m about to start the second year of a degree I thought I would never be able to get. Whilst working full time as well.
For anyone that is reading this and sees things they can relate to, I would say well done on starting your studies, it can be tough, but you will get through it, and you will achieve what you want to.
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